Higher Ground Holdings To Aquire High Times & Industry’s Top Cannabis Content

Sale Price: $9340 (plus unopened box of Dead bootlegs).

Re-Branded Venture to be called High Leafly Cannabis Culture Times 

HOLLYWEED, CA: In a stunning move, the world’s largest satirical cannabis conglomerate, Higher Ground LLCBD, announced the purchase of dozens of cannabis sites and magazines this week, aggressively moving to centralize stoner cliches in one place.

Speaking at MJ BizCon in Las Vegas, CEO Michael A. Stusser said the deal had been a long time coming. “How many stories about Seth Rogen or close-up pics of stank bud do you really need?” Stusser exhaled. “Our acquisition will enable us to consolidate the various marijuana brands – and by that I mean snuff ‘em out like a smokin’ roach.”

In obtaining High Times Holding (publisher of High Times magazine, Culture, Dope Magazine and Green Rush Daily) Higher Ground will have the chance to corner the “boobs and bongs” market (aka weed porn), along with re-licensing dozens of Cannabis Cups to Starbucks. Among those snapped up in the take-over were magazines and “lifestyle brands” Marijuana Business Daily, Sensi, Skunk, Grow, Marijuana Venture, Merry Jane, mg Retailer, Civilized, the Fresh Toast, Herb, CULTURE, Green Entrepreneur, Ganjepreneur, Freedom Leaf, Gossamer, Broccoli, Cannabis Now and MassRoots, allowing Higher Ground to control the vast majority of cannabis content, and assure the number of puns and cliches to go up in smoke.

In the first official move after the purchase, Stusser instituted what is known as The Tommy Chong Rule: In order to modernize and reach new demographics, the Cheech & Chong legend is banned from appearing in any additional marijuana media until the year 4020. Future bans said to include Willie Nelson, Snoop Dogg, Whoopi, Martha Stewart, Joe Rogan, Bill Maher, Miley Cyrus and Chelsea Handler. (Not mentioned: Rihanna, Jason Silva and, surprisingly, Woody Harrelson.) 

highergtv logoReportedly, Higher Ground Holdings wanted to keep the transaction under $10,000 to avoid a Federal SAR (Suspicious Activities Report) filing by the bank.  “We spent about $9500, and traded away some valuable assets.” (Rumored to be a box of Jerry Garcia bootlegs on 8-track cassette.) “Basically, we bought a database of every single person who’s ever fired up a fatty,” said Stusser. “We’ll send ‘em all a copy of Fertilizer Today, our agribusiness trade title – which we also own – and are currently shopping…” Official figures could not be independently verified. When reporters asked for documentation, Stusser said he would share them at the Grasslands VIP Party, but then asked assembled press if anyone had tickets for said event.

“Our goal is to offer customized mainstream video content productions and licensed extensions for cannabis service agencies across the sub and pop-culture spectrums,” said Al Olson, Higher Ground Editor-in-Chief. “And get into the whole CBD-thing, whatever the hell that is. Hemp too!”

An unnamed source also reported that Leafly, owned by Privateer Holdings, was thrown into Higher Ground’s aggressive take-over at the last minute. The insider said the site and app was ditched in order for Privateer to concentrate on making an actual profit – emphasizing their stable of weed-growing companies, including Tilray. Tilray’s partnership with brewing giant Anheuser-Busch InBev makes them less interested in un-profitable pot content. Of the deal, Privateer’s non-cannabis using billionaire CEO Brendan Kennedy said, “Oh, thank god. We’ve been wanting to get Leafly off our books for a decade now, and keep our focus on the beer bong business.”

“We also tried to buy Future State Brands (PROHBTD), MedMen (Embers) and Civilized (New Frontier Data),” noted Higher Ground’s CFO “but by the time we got the paperwork lined up, they’d all burned through so much seed money, they had to abandon their swank offices – and we had no way to reach them.” In a related non-move, Canna Law Blog was NOT acquired in the deal, as they are…well, lawyers, and have positive cash flow.

Michael Stusser and Higher Ground TV captured this year's Hot Pot Products

Michael Stusser & Higher Ground TV: This Xmas We’re Banning Tommy Chong!

Higher Ground’s blockbuster acquisition was announced at the Vegas trade show, MJ Biz Con. BizCon parent company MJ Biz Daily was ALSO swallowed up in the mega-deal. “With a hostile hippie takeover of MJ Biz Daily, we can consolidate all these dope-fiends under one tent – literally,” noted Stusser from his small mid-aisle booth at the trade show. “I mean, The Emerald Cup, CannaCon, CHAMPS, the Cannabis Congress, New West Summit!? Hempfest! How many places do these potheads need to buy a glass pipe, anyway?”

Like so many of the recent corporate buy-outs of alternative weeklies across the country, the Higher Ground deal seems similarly nefarious. “Our main goal, of course, is to fire as many good reporters as possible,” Stusser explained, “and get down to the real business of being stoned to the Bejesus. Frankly, we’d like to sell the whole she-bang to the Huffington Post. We always wanted to be called The Puffington Post – and this is our chance.”

Officials at High Times Holdings were not available for comment. When reporters tried calling the phone number listed in SEC documents, a recording with Bob Marley’s “ Waiting in Vain” played. The mailbox was full. No additional calls to media companies or employees were made before press time.

Higher Ground is a global viral marketing company focusing on Elevating the Dialogue on Cannabis Culture. (Kind of….) Their flagship show is described as “The Daily Show meets Good Morning America, just with a giant bong on the desk.” For more information about the mega-merger, visit www.highergroundtv.com or www.michaelstusser.com

The RAD Expo Returns To Portland October 10-11

OREGON: Following the RAD Expo’s huge success in January, Marijuana Venture will be producing the next RAD (Retail and Dispensary) Expo this October 10-11 in Portland, Oregon. The B2B event is 100% focused on marijuana retail and dispensary businesses.

Because the RAD Expo is free for marijuana retail and dispensary owners, buyers and employees, the quality of attendees was a difference-maker for many exhibitors. “The RAD Expo is the only conference where we know almost everyone we talk to will be a potential client or partner because its focus on retail and brands,” said Jeff LaPenna, CEO of The Peak Beyond, a technology company aimed at retailers.

Exhibitors will be companies who supply goods and services to existing and future retailers in the legal marijuana space, offering everything from flooring and point-of-sale systems to snacks and drinks, insurance, glassware, CBD products, marketing services and rolling papers. At the RAD Expo, cannabis retailers can find everything they need to open and operate their business in one place.

About The RAD Expo:

Dates: Oct. 10-11, 2018

Location: Oregon Convention Center in Portland, Oregon

Admission: Free for qualified future and current retail store/dispensary owners, buyers and employees

Exhibitors: Booths and a variety of sponsorship packages are available  — use discount code EARLYBIRD25 for 25% off your booth. Offer ends June 1, 2018.

More Information: www.theRADexpo.com

Phone: (425) 656-3621

Email: theradexpo@gmail.com

Retail Is The Focus Of Marijuana Venture’s RAD Expo Jan 17-18 In Portland

WASHINGTON: The RAD Expo, a national b2b trade show exclusively focused on the marijuana retail and dispensary business, is coming to the Oregon Convention Center in Portland on Jan. 17-18.

Marijuana Venture, the national cannabis business publication producing the event, is offering free tickets to all current and future owners, buyers and employees of marijuana retail stores and dispensaries, if they register in advance. Admittance for qualified attendees is $25 on the day of the show. The general public will not be allowed admittance.

Exhibitors are expected to include companies and individuals who supply goods and services to existing and future retailers in the legal marijuana space.

“We looked around and saw that the retail side of the business was not being well addressed,” said Marijuana Venture Publisher Greg James. “There are dozens of trade shows that focus on growing and cultivation, but no national trade shows for the people who actually sell marijuana.  We anticipate that exhibitors will include retail design firms, fixture manufacturers, lighting experts, packaging companies, growers and snack food companies. The list of possible vendors is endless in retail. In addition, we plan on allowing qualified buyers and retail employees free admittance if they pre-register. We’re following the same model as major traditional shows like CES and BookExpo in which buyers are always allowed in free. This promotes a lot of foot traffic and qualified buyers.”